I admire bold people, I really do. My daughter is a bold person. She speaks her mind, has no fear, and goes after what she wants. In some instances, these are characteristics I hold. Although in speaking my mind, I’m a bit daintier than she is 🙂
Last Saturday evening, I checked my mobile phones before retiring for the day. This is not something I often do, because my telephones are both on Do Not Disturb (DND) at 7 pm every night. They only ring for those on my ‘favorite’ list. When I looked at the text app, I had an invitation to a Sunday afternoon barbecue, to be held on one of my dear friend’s farm. Of course, I immediately began searching for a reasonable excuse of why I couldn’t attend. My thought was, I really like my friends, but in attending, I’ll be forced to have idle conversations with people I don’t know. Will I even have the energy? I responded with a dainty reply “Maybe I can make it.” Adding to this, that, “I’m still waiting on this week’s dissertation feedback”. In my mind, I also knew that since I didn’t receive this very feedback by that Saturday afternoon, it would most likely come on Monday or Tuesday of the following week. Yikes!Right? I know… 😉
I closed my eyes and went to sleep. Immediately the same person who has been in my dreams for the last year or so, though on-and-off, returned to my sleep space. In everyday life we are getting to know each other as friends, but in my dream state, there’s always that social awkwardness to deal with. It’s quite daft! Yet, I find these experiences, no matter the length of dreamtime, to be fairly productive in furnishing me with unfathomable perceptions into my own life and that of my unique place in the world.
I’ve never been one to Google what a dream may mean. I only rely on the Trinity for the answer. Even though I know immediacy in interpretations is not always around, still in most cases, waiting is a lot more familiar. Waiting joins me for tea, while I garden, in my work, during the frustrations of my studies, while I meditate, stretch out the day, lift the growing muscles in my arms and legs, and even when I decide that aloneness is where I want to be. This Saturday night’s dream was different though; it exuded boldness and gave me a prime blessing upon my arise.
Sunday morning came with the usual calmness I know, yet the realist I am, approached the day with elements of I still don’t know if I want to go to the event of the afternoon. Despite my weariness over this, I managed to send out the daily texts to family and to friends who are like family, I then started my day. I watched a sermon in Belize, and later caught up on another. Did my garden and outdoor chores, showered, ate brunch, closed my curtains and simply just laid in bed. I must have dozed off too…because, the dream cast returned. And, with this pleasant entrance, the answer I sought, came.
I woke and laced myself up.
I am proud to say that I am introvert. And, I say this to everyone who attempt to be in my life. I find it is the honest thing to do from the get-go of any friendship. But, although I pronounce this comportment of myself, it takes a special level of boldness for me to step outside of what is familiar to me…this, a familiarity of more observation, with minor speech 🙂 I occasionally make a few people crazy with this part of me. I really don’t mean to. Some just want me to share everything of and about me, to include what I know! But friends, my quietude is ‘sui cura’, for me. It takes less work to speak at times. My inner life needs this. When my mouth opens though, it is imperative that I touch on who I am to those who want to get to know me, and it is with integrity I also say, very often I need space, quiet, downtime, ultimate time to myself, and again, quiet… After these precious moments, I can then utter… I am truly yours, all yours. To listen to, care for, be there for, confide in, share, create, suggest, and even be quiet with. This is my holy boldness, displaying how I live through the love of Jesus! In my own moments, I’m still there, feeding and watering my heart and mind, as my love grows.
The Apostle Paul wrote:
“…in whom we have boldness and confident access through faith in Him.”
Last Sunday, I finished getting dress, and at that very moment received a thank you for one of my earlier Father’s Day wishes, sent to a sweet single dad I know.
Him- “What are you up to?”
Me- “I’m heading to a cookout.”
Me- “The farm.”
Him- “Good to have friends like that, eh?”
Me- Indeed, my friend, indeed!”
The holy boldness of whom I am, I show at the beginning of any friendship. In modest vulnerability, I share my desires. This boldness energetically sustains me, as it honors those in my life…the people who like me, create and nurture the lasting, caring, and loving friendships, I am so thankful for.
I attended the cookout for a short time. Returned home, took a warm bath, and thanked God for the experience.
I went to sleep, and the dream cast appeared again, this time while riding a bike. Waved at me, and said, “I told you so.” I boldly responded by saying “Thank you so much, you are welcomed here, in my dream space, at anytime.”
What? I asked
I get it! I’m an introvert too! 🙂
Father, thank you for this message, and for the balance in friendships you offer me. I now move into the month of July, this month, which holds so many memories, some pleasant and some, well, you know… Even so, I hold onto your kind of boldness. The holy boldness I crave to know more of. That boldness in your son Jesus Christ!
(Although in my very early wake up voice 🙂 Listen to me read this prayer)
I love you so.