For the last few weeks, it’s been nice to sit back, watch, consider, and discern on all things in my life. The moments, people, and things common and familiar to me. It has also been liberating to know, my uniqueness is cherished and less exhausting than some of what I have witnessed. Age is such a a precious present. It is transformative, as it is grounding.
For years I sat in groups, in meeting rooms, and have walked through life with a need for acceptance. A requirement of existence. Soulful desire. Wearing deliverance… as I pondered the answer to the questions-What if I didn’t? What would my life look like? Even though in mindful awareness, I knew the answers, I still continued to fill the hole of discontent with hard and what seemed at the times, useless clay.
Thirteen years ago, I was finding myself in love. The love of myself and of who and whose I was. Friends and acquaintances were eccentric and held so many beliefs. Some honored God, and some preferred to call Him spirit. Others believed in different healing modalities than that of what I was accustomed to. Another group, worshiped egoism, and needed to be heard and seen with every naked breath. Then there were the ones who were like me, those who simply wanted to simply live. Of the friends I had, the ones who just needed to appreciate all a good and decent life had/has to offer, are the ones I kept. It’s a great triumph to know that even in chaotic times, the moments of desperate drama and what seemed like endless organized chaos, emitted through the hearts and minds of names and bodies moving through the world…I still overcame! I escaped the doings of those floating with no attachments, no ground, no footing. As they continue to float today! An appreciated experience like so many in my life! Great decisions were made from such drenching.
From all of it, we the God-fearing ones are now planted in our own spheres of boldness, compassion, and integrity. This is indeed comforting. To not have to chase anything or in a matter of frankness, anyone, even in single-hood, is a testimony of security in the One who carries me.
Our homes are carefully crafted and designed for no craziness. Spaces are strategic, allowing energies that enter to exude only good vibes fueled by the wisdom of Jesus. By his honesty, demeanor, intelligence, self-awareness, depiction of need, unselfishness, giving nature, acceptance, love for the natural world and all of God’s creations. His lack of hypocrisy rules too! Our homes are places of sanctuary, they are oftentimes the only aspect of life, we can have some control over. Behind painted doors, we find peace.
As I reflect, I think of the days I prayed for rooms like this. Today, I linger in prayer for more land and the utmost wisdom to use this land to preserve the gifts God continues to give. To share these bounties with friends, who like me, live to live simply in a world requiring no competition, no need for attention, no unnecessary chaos. One where we deliberately choose…
I see now the vision of future Thanksgivings where I get to share the day with family and close friends; those new, and those of long ago, far from the structures I once called home. If someone would now ask me the questions above. What if the need for acceptance was not important anymore? What would your life look like? There would be no hesitation in my responses. Plainly put…my current state of being, in the context of personal preferences, would look like the one I hold on to, so dearly now.
My life today is an element of all the deposits, disappointments, footprints, and everything I have held on to. The things and people I have let go of, too. It is a symbol of bricks made from the very clay I used to cover up God’s leadings, as depictions of His and only His acceptance of me. The same clay used to make the cup I drink from, as I meditate on His words each day. Yes, what seemed worthless in times of disappointments, sorrow, and pain, are the ultimate contributions God willingly gives, to keep me grounded and reassured. In every instance, I listen. In every instance, I hear.
“I will give thanks to you, Lord, with all my heart;
I will tell of all your wonderful deeds.“-Psalm 9:1
Thanksgiving this year will be very different for so many. Whatever, you make of it, may this day be a time to express complete gratitude to God for all He gives. May He be forever present, as you…quietly Home. Home with immediate family, home of games and intimate conversations. Home of quiet reflections and soothing prayers. Home of faith, hope, and of guiding love.
With all my love 🙂