Rarely am I lost for words when I begin the journey of writing this blog. My heart is often filled with many soul stories demanding to be expressed. But this morning I’ve found my attempt to be somewhat contrived, and likewise stiff and challenging. Nonetheless, the stories are still there begging to be revealed.
I suppose there are many reasons behind this emotional state.
For one, there’s so much happening in the world around me, around you, which makes creating a blog seems quite mundane for me today. Second, I grapple with the idea that the lock down I and you have been through, has placed me in thought that perhaps this is my way moving forward. I know, I’ve always struggled with the world outside my own. Not to not fit in, be kind, to say no, and to objectively observe… but more so, because of how draining I feel when I have accomplished these things. I can’t help sometimes to ask myself when I return to me, if all that exterior was worth it. And third, there’s an incredible platform for me to speak, write, love, and do the greatness God has placed within me…to acutely create a different platform from all the ones I have become so familiar with.
To write my soul stories in books, journals, on other mediums, and for myself.
To accept God’s leading even though I don’t have a platform of the well-known… my supreme knowledge, skills, desires, and creativity are needed in the world.
Yes, these matters, though may seem trivial, are the very one’s I struggle with to find my own.
My core faith is a quiet faith. To live out God’s love within, this faith needs no ornaments. Yet, I love my pretty necklaces and scarfs. It needs no loud singing, even though I adore beautiful music with special lyrics. My safe poems are often my own lyrics, I practice on a sweet friend’s guitar. One day I’ll learn to play that instrument most perfectly, I tell myself, each time I run through my own set. Yes, indeed, music is important to me. There are brilliant writers, thinkers, and even musicians in this faith. This brilliance I find to be of a level I’ve never known. Like Thoreau and Mozart combined into one. Like Nouwen and Teilhard de Chardin, and so many literary giants I read as a child, the ones I read now, and the recent ones I have come to intimately know. Intellect are among this group of creatives within my core faith…intellect simply put, as examples of Jesus. Statements of encouragement consistently lead me to a better me. And, acceptance that my search is mine alone, even if I’m in ornaments outside the home or the head scarf over soft braids, I don when I am at home.
So, as I walk this path, I search for foundational parables…
In dissecting Luke 17:1-10, I have come to know before and more so now, God has given me the blueprint and the support system concerning what he wrote for my life, at that very moment he chose me. With this acknowledgement, I also know He is not indebted to me. In all matters, as a servant, I must be a servant to God (17:7), while not glorying my accomplishments, like the Apostles did in (Luke 10:15). Jesus rebukes such behaviors as he did to them, by reminding each one to be focused on heavenly matters, God’s kingdom, where such happenings of praise and release are normal (Luke 10:17-20).
Faith to see all things, though for this working servant, me, must only come from unmoved tenacious compliance coupled with humility (Luke 17:9,10). With this alliance, God reminds me that all things are indeed possible (Matthew 19:26).
This parable of the mustard seed has taught me four things:
- In everything as a servant to God, I must be focused on God (Luke 17:7)
- Everything I do must be as an employee of God (Luke 17:8)
- I cannot claim from God his special praise just because I followed his leadings (17:9)
- I must remain humble at all times. My work, my gentle expressions and reflections, gifts, skills, knowledge are not mine, for they are of God (Luke 17:10).
To grow mustard, God gives me the seeds.
Yes, a great deal happening in the world right now. Much about justice! Like the saying goes though, “You must love yourself first, to be able to love others”, I assert the same must be said for justice. When I hide, I am not justifying God’s good works in me, I am not giving myself justice! To truly display this word into the world, we must move toward a better cultural understanding and the gifts God has placed in every person. Justice must be likewise a helping matter. It must be actionable and lasting. I contend, God seeks this from his people. He seeks this in me…
My first-person narratives here, indeed, are for me; yet, I hope, also provide areas of deep reflection for you. I am a mere servant working for God, mostly working for his Love. Not unprofitable at completion, even when I begin not knowing where these writings will take me.
I’ve mentioned above, my work for God must continue to be different. He consistently guides me into this direction. As has been written in a piece of literature I often return to…
“The Christian calling requires that we shall do more than others; but then it gives us, in the love of Christ a motive which will not allow us to be content to do what others do.”
William Mackergo Taylor (1829-1895)
Heavenly Father, thank you for giving me the words I must share. Although rarely, there are days I believe the process to be useless and tiresome, I’ll always obey you and I let your words flow.
Taylor, W.M. (1886). The parables of our savior. New York, NY: Doubleday