16th of October, 2019 (5 am MST)
Inner Solitude: The Purity of My Holy Father in Me
Yesterday was a day of many sighs. A sigh for this, a sigh for that. Sighs so obnoxious, the walls in my office seemed to shake. They were sighs of restless fatigue. Rest the night before came in numbers. The number 2 rings a bell, since it was the number of hours I slept. Work knocked at my pillow at 4 am the morning after. Coffee breaks normally taken in mid–afternoon, replaced my early morning ritual of hot water and lemon. My mind told me to be perpetually cranky yesterday, but my heart said something else. It told me to be still and listen, and to sigh if I wanted to. And, sighed I did 🙂
The above picture I have given to you is worth more than a thousand words, it holds no comparison to my previous days, and even my lived experiences. Yet, it was fairly cleansing. It reminded me of the many chats I had with my divorce therapist several years ago. She often advised me to blow my nose when I cried. She said you must let it all go…you must, you must! Sighs yesterday, replaced tears. I let them just glide through my nostrils, as I let go…
“And the ransomed of the LORD will return And come with joyful shouting to Zion, With everlasting joy upon their heads They will find gladness and joy, And sorrow and sighing will flee away.” ~Isaiah 35:10
The sighs I had yesterday were my time to release my worries, frustrations, and daily challenges to God. The sighs felt like the dust from a dry clay ground after a shovel has dug a great hole to find treasures or to plant newness. It was an excavation process to continually get to know me, and the possibility approach of what I’ll accept in my life, and what I won’t. Perhaps also, they were wake-up calls to consider the probability of love again. As I grow so much nearer to completing a doctorate degree, I become increasingly aware that I cannot use this specific goal as an excuse anymore, as to why I won’t go there. Or can I? 🙂 Whew! This whole thing is quite scary. As I told my good friend C last week, and my super best friend S often, I really don’t want to make the same mistake again. They listen, and often say “I know what you mean Charlotte.” We are all hopeful.
Dust settles and dust rinses away.
I also know this…
“If you can learn from hard knocks. You can learn from soft touches.” -Carolyn Kenmore
You know, I sure can!
Until then though, I continue to dig deeper. Oh…so many treasures I will find! Yippee! 🙂
Thank you my most Heavenly Father. You are my precious teacher.
Your student and daughter,