Inner Solitude: Unlocking the Purity of My Holy Father in Me
9th of October, 2019 – 4 am (MST)
I preface this by saying that God’s highest image of me takes precedence in all things. Yet, a question posed to me on an earlier part of this week, causes me to consider how a simple request I made one week earlier could be the catalyst of misjudgment of my character by someone who doesn’t even know me. On this day, my discerning comportment made it quite impossible to focus on study and even to worship with all my might. And, to tell you the truth I have been very disheartened by it all. Hey! I am human, right?
Can you please grant me access, can you please unlock…? — was my simple question. Yet, this simple question was blown out of proportion by another who felt that the need to inflate my request and my supposedly tone, was necessary. How could a simple inquiry for spiritual entry come to this?
My approach of quiet and inner reflection fills my mind and moves through my hard working hands to the keys on my computer. I approach this thing with grace as I only know how. I approach it with wonder. I approach it with confidence. I approach it with disappointment. I approach it with hope.
I remember, and I remember, as I remember this…
“Tend only to the birth in you and you will find all goodness and all consolation, all delight, all being and all truth. Reject it and you reject goodness and blessing. What comes to you in this birth brings with it pure being and blessing. But what you seek or love outside of this birth will come to nothing, no matter what you will or where you will it.”
~ Meister Eckhart
The importance of holy listening for God’s holy ministry, I find to be an important aspect of this heart felt representation in thought. The deliverer of the context of my question to another, was able to describe me to a “T”. Nonetheless, did this person listen to my question? Was it the fact that I am of a minority sect that caused cognitive dissonance based on the display of my gentle approach? Was I expected to be different than my approach or was my approach so different that it seemed unreal that unconscious falsehoods ensued? Was this person just having a bad day? Should I not have asked the question?
Perhaps this experience has led me to deeply look at myself to unlock all of the hurt, disappointments, and emotional pain I’ve experienced in my own life. Some that I have not addressed and others that I continually move through. It could also mean that the enemy is trying to control the happiness I often feel. An embedded happiness despite everything and anyone trying to extinguish my Light. Though in hindsight, I may also never know why this incident occurred.
I won’t walk away, I won’t hide, I won’t cry, I won’t condemn. Instead, I’ll write from my heart. I’ll write to heal. I’ll write to love, unconditionally. And, I’ll write to praise.
I tend to the garden of rebirth in me. These seeds I plant with Holy Spirit as my constant companion. The purity of my faith is the one I know. I understand what obedience entails. I know of integrity. I enjoy community. I pray for justice. I honor peace. I listen to hear and to see in real-hood. These precise steps, offer no resemblance to cringing servility or untruths. Like Eli (1 Samuel 3:18), I may miss the voice of God sometimes. Yet, He continues to call me, show me, and teach me.
Despite the current hurt and disappointment in my heart, Dear Lord! Here I am to serve you completely. This too shall pass. 🙂
Thank you my Heavenly Father,