When I am not in the throes of work or school, for me, fighting the tendency to stay put as long as I can, is always a major task. I enjoy staying put. No need to be here, there, and everywhere, has always been my motto. Books, fine music, the occasional episode of Vera 🙂 company in my space and in my time, and beautiful quiet-individually or combined- are where I often say, I belong. I am frequently asked how I amass such great friendships if I prefer this only way to be? In all honesty, this is a question I sometimes ask myself too 🙂
I am truly a product of my circumstances and my environment. I learn from them. The recent bout of illness I experienced, really brought this home for me. At the completion of holy yoga last night, the euphoria of the receipt of pleasant and needed stretches, moved to my heart. In this time of contemplation it was relatively clear that on the night I was crying out to God… “Why me? Why must my nose be clogged, my head hurt, and every muscle in my body ache?”… I knew the answer, but yet I cried out. I know then as I do so clearly now, my body called a physical time-out to allow my mind a self-care and intuitive adjustment. During this time of illness, I pulled in all of the natural healing modalities I knew of… some of the very ones collecting dust on a shelf. Thanks to collaboration, my body is almost back to its healthy state, and I applaud her for sticking with me. I’ll continue to honor her (my body) in every choice I make.
Consistent professing on inner work, is an important area of my life. And, although the looking-glass shame has never been a part of my daily life, I am cognizant, transformation from within must be constant. I cried out depicting a weakened faith. An untrusting behavioral pattern was prevalent. I am telling you that in a short span of about an hour or so, nothing could have persuaded me I’d be better. My Job moment was fierce! I accept that weakness, and with courage I share this imperfection. That unrecognizable babe! The person who is far from perfect and the one who when took her oath to God at seminary graduation, simply said “God, I’ll try”.
This God—his way is perfect; the word of the Lord proves true; he is a shield for all those who take refuge in him.
And, I try…Only the Trinity is perfect. Conversely, I attempt to be real, honest, candid, loving, compassionate, courageous, gentle, whole, and pure. Depicting Yeshua within! Though some of these characteristics are recognizable in work settings, my primary focus is on my daily relational strolls. The revelation of this authentic ‘who I am’ is its own romance story. The accepting love of myself, to generously give out to others. It holds no monetary value, and free for the taking, even when I stay put or on a carefully guided path. The answer to the question above…perhaps?
My healing is here.
I thank my body for the child it has carried, for the healthy hair keeping my head warm, for my brown eyes to see God’s beauty around me, for my ears to hear the sound of birds in the early morning, for my mouth to speak sweet words of kindness, for my yearlong tan it carries 🙂 for my strong legs to stretch each day, for my hands to garden and to cook, for my arms to greet others, for the people who have found solace in its company, and for so much more. I thank my body, God’s body! His spirit lives in me. I am blessed to spend this life in His beautiful temple.
Such appreciation for the events of January, 2020… I hold. Lessons abound.
Father thank you for great moments of realization. I am moving toward physical wholeness again. In my time of illness, I started to see things not as they are, but as you are (Talmud). Surrendering to you brings clarity to my days.
I love you!
Your purposefully guided daughter,