For the first time in my lifetime, I have chosen to spend Christmas day alone. I have been considering this idea for a few months now. Honestly though, I was a bit apprehensive to share my decision with family and friends, alike. When I finally did, I was quite surprised of the many who responded by saying “I am jealous” or “Lucky you”. I was baffled by these responses. Therefore, my somewhat inquisitive nature wanted to know the root of these replies. Those who prefer quiet and those who prefer action, were equally in the space of the longing to only spend this time with Our Father, His Precious Son, and Holy Ghost. The self-emptying of everything, was explained to me, as each person’s desire, at this Christmastime… to invite in the level of sensation achieved by shepherds in the field, the three kings, Mary, Joseph, and their animal companions.
I drove to Colorado Springs yesterday to spend time with my daughter. I often take the country road when there’s no snow in the forecast. I’ve taken this path so many times, with cows and horses on my left and right. But yesterday, there were many donkeys in my view. They were so close to fences, as if to politely say hello. I listened to K-love the entire way, and broke into tears often as I corroborated the symbols of these donkeys and the beautiful Christmas music playing on the radio. It was magical!
Although my daughter worked from her home office, we took every moment she had to discuss the future, the joy of Christ, and her proposed time with her boyfriend’s family on Christmas day. I spoke of my plans to walk the dogs in the early morning, prepare a tiny meal, spend time in the word of God, cross-stitch, nap, and perhaps watch a movie. From the social dimension, this is enough for me. This paragraph in itself, elicits a visceral reaction offering such profound insight of this significant time of the year. I can move through this day alone! And, this still pleases God! It pleases me…
On this early morning, I prepare for the simple plans for this day. I search for small things that are often overlooked during this season. I am the archaeologists of my soul to bring forth the “ecstatic experience” (Emily Dickinson) of God in human form as Christ Jesus. This experience is always there; yet, distractions within the world can often void them. Externalities if not managed, can likewise, take precedence over internal blissful experiences residing in the areas of my soul that are un-looted, safe, and with God’s unswerving guidance, can be purified.
The topography of this Christmas, 2019 is one that I have been creating my entire lifespan. This year’s excavations, authentic digs, soil-building, seed- planting, soul-watering, and miraculous germinations, all compiled into mini written documentaries, were vessels leading me home. Home to this continued life with Christ Jesus. In a place where joy is often profound, that glorious and cleansing tears must occasionally follow.
Blank pages await the moment to tell of my soul stories depicting my life within. Thank you Christ Jesus, for the opportunity as I confidently relinquish the old and stroll into the new.
Father thank you for my family, and for compatible and comforting friends. Thank you for budding and trusting friendships. Thank you for big and little choices. Thank you for humility and for the ability to experience joy in each moment. Thank you for those who understand why I must digress from the noisy aspects of Christmas. And Father, thank you for all that you are.
Your daughter Charlotte