In the earlier part of this month, of this year, I am supplied with an aging milestone. I’ll be 55! My biggest dilemma now, is whether I’ll be attending church events dedicated to the 55 and older age group 🙂 I am leaning toward “probably not”! This current decision is not based on the idea that by attending, I’ll be ratting my age out, but more so, because any event I label “outside of my comfort zone” is usually far-fetched to me. I am not here to pretend. My personality-type finds small talk to be occasionally draining. I am most energetic when it comes to deeper, more intimate conversations. This is not to say that I don’t engage in chitter chatter, I just know for me to maintain my scope of energy, it is imperative I say no to some events distributed through gracious and polite invitations. Yikes! I can feel some eyes rolling, fingers pointing, and judgments flying… but hey, I am being the only real me, I know 🙂
My work and life takes me to interesting places, and with this dynamic, I meet fascinating people who at times, address the desire to know me better. Honestly, what dwells in my easy-going quiet disposition, is the question, how do I know so many people? I can’t go anywhere, without running into someone I know. To be candid, at certain times, I’ll hide from imminent interactions when my energy has been spent for the day. I find this to be the most respectful thing to do, instead of offering exchanges, where my mind is completely outside of conversations. I am also aware that others who hold my personality-type will do the same. In fact, I know this has been done to me. As I recall, last year, late on a Saturday night, I was leaving a conference. Someone I knew through casual conversations, saw me leaving, and from my right peripheral, I could see a dash to the other side. What was so obvious was the color the person wore that night. All I saw was a squish. It was like a video, sped up to the max. I smiled all the way to my car and on the way home. Why? Because I could relate so beautifully with this individual’s decision. The playback in my mind still offer me a good chuckle. Dear person, if this comes across your desk today, tomorrow, or when you are 80 years old, do know, at that moment, you provided me with such a cherished compliment, which corroborated then, with the 54 year old me. I also hope you hold a sense of humor 🙂
The daily pilgrimage to myself is an everyday treat, embracing this God-given quirkiness is a delight. Holding one character trait of traditional-femininity, I often think from bygones, but with current Divine collaborations, I am able to articulately express through the dimensions of the eye of a needle. With courage and gentle care, I discuss needs, desires, triumphs, trials, disappointments, and God’s beauty in nature and people. The needle, as an analogy for this dialogue, is one of the smallest inventive instruments I own, and with its tiny eye, it can do much. Like the tapestry of colors it has held, my heart becomes God’s messenger, delivering his good news in the most simplistic forms. I declare détente with my perceptions to recognize I am not perfect and don’t know everything, to be eager to say I didn’t know that! The artillery of self-pride, I lay at Jesus’ feet. Holism of my holy ministry recognizes that God is the ultimate teacher, author, and professor. And, even with the knowledge He provides to me, there is so much more he wants to give. He loves me so…
Here, I am reminded of the Parable of the Sparrows (Matthew 10:29). Two Syrian sparrows were worth a farthing (one of the smallest Roman coins). When we look at Luke’s description, he shared that with one farthing, anyone could purchase five sparrows (12:6). This is what sparrows were worth from human perspectives. Jesus’ depiction of a sparrow’s value was very different. He said, when a sparrow falls and dies, it falls on the bosom (heart) of God. Gosh! This love, this tender care of Our Father is overwhelming. Jesus’ very apostles went out to speak His good news. They went out among wolves, pharisaic condemnation, and to unbelievers. At first introduction, this simplistic approach of Our Savior’s teachings, seems doable. Though, pertaining to the tender care of others, due to life’s responsibilities, farther reflection may negate its daily feasibility. Even so, these instructions offer comfort in the idea, that the same love God has for the tiniest of creatures, He has for me. A sparrow falls when attacked by other predatory birds or by human hands, God catches each one, as he catches me. The eye of a needle is gigantic for my Heavenly Father. Without doubt, he sees me clearly and loves me immensely. He watches over me.
Giving thanks for another year:
As I plan a hushed celebration for this upcoming birthday, I re-guide my thoughts and expectations to realign myself even more toward the face of God. I feel so much appreciation for the places my 54 year old self has taken me. For the people I know well, the people I long to get to know better, those I occasionally hide from, for my family, current and future clients, my garden, and animal companions. My reflection and the hopes of my heart, I fall in love with each day. Blessed I am to have lived in God’s gracious temple. Within this temple resides the room of my soul. A place where peace exist. It is welcoming to the gray hairs on my head, the wrinkles on my face and neck, my soft childbearing stomach, the now apparent cellulite in some places, hardworking and somewhat wrinkling hands, and occasional stiff bones. It is my pilgrimage home. Basking in the glow of Christ Jesus, there I shine my light.
Dear Father, I look forward to more life in your precious love. Oh! The places we will go…
Your loving daughter,
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